Anxiety from changing plans, a manic desire for certainty about everything, the desire to win every argument… Ever noticed yourself or tried to Stop Controlling?
Where It All Comes From
Control freak is a description of a manic urge to keep everything under control.
This state has two root causes:
- The first is fear. “What if…” – that’s the fear-driven question that usually goes through my head. For example, “What if I lose as soon as I get at 20Bet?”
- The second reason is the basic need for security. The desire to make the environment around us understandable is inherent in all of us. And in general, this desire to create a comfortable microclimate around ourselves and to level out any potential threats and intruders is quite normal.
One Step From Self-care to Obsession?
Let’s take a situation that is painfully familiar to everyone – a difficult exam is ahead, and there is little time to prepare treacherously. Variant of the norm – to prepare to the best of your ability and time and to slightly chicken out before it, hoping for good luck.
An obsessive state can manifest itself in such a way – when the exam is approaching, the body is gripped by a panic and inexplicable fear of failing. The brain and body on the physical level do not accept that any life situation can unfold in one way or another in the light of a thousand factors, and therefore is fundamentally beyond our control. And so when fear, taking over everything, begins to control us, it’s the surest sign that behavioral strategies need to be revised.
How to Stop Controlling Everything
Here are a few tips to help me deal with fear, let things go and stop controlling everything.
Realize That Hyper-control Is an Illusion
Control is no guarantee of a successful outcome. Just about no action guarantees the desired outcome. No matter how you prepare for an exam, any unforeseen little thing or human factor can get in your way.
But there is good news. We can control our attitude to what is happening. Where to direct the focus of attention and how to respond to events – this is already in our power. For example, to decide that the exam is not everything in this life.
Recognize the Freedom of Choice and Decision-making of Those Around Us
Our parents, children, and partners make their own choices every day. And it’s possible that some of their decisions seem uncomfortable and painful. So, in moments of crisis with them, it’s important to remember that they have the right to do as they want, and we have the right to choose our attitude to it. Everyone stays with their own attitude.
Accept That Sad Events Happen Regardless of Our Will
The belief, nurtured in us since childhood, that if you behave well you will be rewarded, fails the test of adulthood. This attitude even poisons our life because it’s difficult to accept the fact that nothing depends on you, no matter how good you are.
Give Yourself the Right to Err
Trying to control everything – this includes the desire to avoid mistakes. But the truth is, it’s okay to make mistakes. Of course, if you think of a mistake as the end of the world, it’s hard not to freak out in fear of making one.
Strive for Mindfulness
The simplest thing in words, but when you try to apply it to life, it’s terribly complicated. Imagine this: we stop living with the belief that something depends on our hypercontrol and the fear that we are losing it… And now there is nothing left for us but to live in reality and accept what is happening as a given.
